Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
