He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
