I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
