I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Say something about gay babies.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
