Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
