I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize