I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
