she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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