I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
