Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize