hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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