she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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