I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
