Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
