why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
