She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
