now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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