youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
