1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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