shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Everclear isn't food dammit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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