Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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