Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
