Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
