He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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