The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize