i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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