My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
