Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
