If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish you could order shots online.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize