Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
