why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
