Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
