he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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