Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
