You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
