why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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