If that was your dad, he is hot
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
