Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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