is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
