I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
