I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
