I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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