did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There are leaves in my underwear?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
