but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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