billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
