drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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