are you so shy because you have an std?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
