Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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