wakey wakey hands off snakey
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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