I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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