i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
