at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
