I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
