Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
