do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
