I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
