My first STD was from a foam party
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
