I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
