his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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