I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
