just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
