I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
