im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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