well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
