But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
