dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
