all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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