you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
