he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
