I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
