This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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