I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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