I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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