my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i've created a new STD.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
