You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
