and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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