Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
