god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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