Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
