so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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