I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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