my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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