Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
