What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
