He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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