she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I want is dick and wine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
