you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
